An annoucement

Well, It's been a while since I updated you faithful readers. Let's just say it's been a busy month and a half. The end of school is always crazy but both Justin and I went on separate trips the last week of the kids' school. He to Mississippi and I went to Italy with my dad and Kareena. We both had a good time on our respective trips. It was when we got back that the real fun began.

I had suspected while I was gone that I might be pregnant so when I got home I took a test I happened to have. (Doesn't everyone have an extra one lying around?) So, surprise! It was positive. Before we told anyone I took a second one in the Target bathroom - which my girls thought was CRAZY. Again, positive. So we are adding a 5th Irving to our already full house. I am not announcing it on Facebook quite yet so feel free to send me a message. The kids are all really excited and Justin and I are getting used to the idea.

Struggle, Struggle, Struggle

So I planned on one meal for Mother's Day weekend which turned into quite a few "off-plan" foods. AHHHHH! I just posted a comment of a fellow dieters blog in essence saying that I struggle so much with my emotions and that if I just had fewer of them I may not struggle quite so much.

So, what is the answer? I think it's this: forget yesterday and begin again afresh tomorrow.

I will take my pills when I am supposed to. I will drink all my water - all 80 oz. of it. I will not eat anything impulsively but I will tell myself the correct things ie I don't need that bowl of cereal right now, or I can wait until I get home to eat something that is on my plan.

This weekend poses another challenge. We are going to a camp up north as a church for a retreat. Ah, I am so weak. Lord, help me.

Month One

Well, I feel like I just ran a long race then realized that I just turned the corner to see blocks and blocks spread out in front of me. Now, I did run the race, that is good, but the race is still on!!

I've lost 13 pounds and 18 inches total for the month. Again, this is really good but I feel like there is still so far to go!!

I am going to enjoy at least one "real" meal - with dessert this weekend in honor of Mother's Day. My thinking is really changing, though! I threw something away because I really didn't like it, when in the past I would have just eaten it anyway.

9 and 1/4 lb and a major slip up

So I almost jumped in the air today when I saw the scale! I was on cloud nine all day then I went to Starbucks to get the boys (my son and his friend) a cookie and I had a VERY weak moment and had one of their morning buns. I have to admit that it tasted great going down. But then I took a drink and the taste was gone. Then the guilt set in.

So much of this diet has been saying no, sometimes NO!, to many of the bad habits I've been cultivating for years. I've cheated in the past 3 and 1/2 weeks but not to this extent. I love that tomorrow is a new day and that there is grace for not being perfect.

My pants are loose!

It is so satisfying to wear clothes that I haven't been able to for a while.

6 lbs!!!!!

For some people this might not be a lot but the tears and struggles seem worth it when I see the results on the scale. Last weekend was not so great but since Monday I've been almost perfect. The victories have felt sooo satisfying. I dished up ice cream for Caleb and didn't have any. I ordered a skinny latte and didn't buy something for me at Starbucks. I've said no to stopping at DQ numerous times. The advice that has made the most sense is to take it one day at a time. Again, not rocket science but it has helped me.

temptation

I now have a week under my belt (which is shrinking a bit - yeah) and I think the diet is working but it won't be easy. Getting used to taking all the pills has been a challenge but I think they have given me a lot of energy. Unfortunately my stomach has been upset for a day or so now. Hopefully that will improve.

The Honeymoon's over

I knew it would happen eventually. I am officially struggling. Don't get me wrong I am loving the vegetables and the taste of food more than ever but we are going on a date tonight and all I want is to have a big plate of pasta with something chocolate (real chocolate mind you) for dessert. I have lost a few pounds so I know something is working. Ah well, back to my fake chocolate pudding.

So far so good

- Which is saying a lot for me! I am now on day 2 and I am doing fantastically! I made sauteed mushrooms and spinach with steak for a late lunch and ohhh brother was it good. The sad part of today was realizing all the places I go in order to eat. I sometimes schedule trips to certain places because of what food I am craving. For example: I will take the kids to Ikea because I want a cinnamon roll or go a certain direction to school so I can stop to get a maple pecan scone at a coffee shop. Sad, food-obsessed girl! But, I am taking a stand and saying NO MORE!!

Adoption Part 3

So I really should have written this sooner because I am forgetting more each day! The next part of the story is the best part!! I got a call when I was lost in Memphis trying to find the highway to Tupelo. On one hand the news that Kareena was born was great but I remember felling really disappointed that I had missed it.

I did drive the rest of the way a bit less anxious though. When I arrived at the hospital sometime close to midnight I was in a daze of adrenaline, junk food and pure nervousness. I had no idea what to expect when I walked in the hospital room. Kareena's birthmom was such a pleasant person to be with! I had heard that from folks but meeting her just confirmed it. We chatted a bit and I was pretty indisicive about whether I wanted to stay until 3 am to see Kareena or to get a little sleep and see her in the morning. I ended up staying until 4 but holding her was amazing. Again, I was completely out of my mind from lack of sleep etc. but I am glad I stayed. Leaving the hospital my brain was in such a fog. There was a train that I had to stop for and I almost fell asleep in the car! I finally headed back to the hotel for a few hours but was totally unable to sleep.

The next day I went back to the hotel to spend some time with Kareena and her birthmom. We had the typical busy first day of a baby's life. She was in and out. We both took turns feeding her. Again, I was amazed at her bm's demeanor. We had such a good time together! We found out we enjoyed the same types of food, the same tv show and movies. All three of my bio kids were pretty good sized kids at birth so to hold a little 5 pounder was fun. When Justin and the kids finally arrived I took a huge sigh of relief. Spending that first day alone had been great but I felt more and more like part of me was missing. The kids LOVED seeing Kareena and meeting everyone. K's bm really enjoyed the kids, too!

The day we got to take Kareena with us was sort of awkward. On one hand I felt like she was mine already but there was still this pervading feeling of unease and nervousness that her bm could change her mind at any time. I think the strangest feeling of that day was watching her bm say goodbye to her. There was a mixture of jealous protectiveness and saddness but also joy for us. Walking out of the hospital with her felt strange, too. We spent the next few days getting to know Kareena, finding out she cried a bit more than we were used to and making plans for the coming days. Part 4 coming soon.

Day one of official Diet

I know that I won't do this every day but I actually have some thoughts! I know that every day will not be as easy but boy am I surprised at how well this is going. Again, I am under no illusions about what it will be like in a week or a month. I think the biggest challenge so far was remembering to take my supplements. Food tasted good today, too! Another surprise if how much energy I have. Normally the mid-afternoon slump is so hard to get past but boy today I was feeling fine.

A New Day

I can't guarantee that what I write will sound correct or that the spelling and grammar make sense. Having said that I do want to chronicle this journey at least for me and if it entertains or encourages other's - all the better.

So I have been fluffy, chunky, and/or extra soft, ever since I can remember. The main problem is I LOVE FOOD! I like good food, too. None of this fat-free sour cream for me, I want the real deal. I've finally had it with clothes not fitting and just generally feeling gross.

There are some folks who I know also doing the same diet with huge results so that finally pushed me over the edge to DO SOMETHING. I joined SlimGenics two days ago. Currently I am on day two of the prep-phase. I start the official diet on Saturday. I am a mix of excited and nervous for the cravings I know will be there. I am learning how to tell myself true things like: I want to be thin more than I want that _____. There is a huge element at play here: Self-control. Something I do not have naturally. I never learned how to say no or to hear no very well. That poses a problem.

I am excited to
-run with out jiggling
-wear clothes with the size in the single digits
-learn how to say no

That's all for now.

Adoption part 2

Ok, so here goes. When I started writing this the details were much more in focus but now they are getting hazy so I hope to do this well.

I left off when we got the call. It was a Tuesday and I was taking kids home from midday school when Justin called me to ask if I had heard from Karine our social worker. My heart began to pound, no, I said, what did she say? Well, it appears that we have been chosen by a birthmom in Mississippi. Wow! We didn't even know that we were being shown! So, I raced home to chat with Justin. Needless to say I was thinking Yes! Yes! Yes!. Was there even a question?? At this point we knew that the baby was a girl and she was due in three and a half weeks. Seriously? Less than a month!? Yep.

We called our social worker back to say that we'd like the afternoon to think about it. I knew though that it would be difficult to say no. I wanted to call her back immediately. But we needed to talk about the logistics of travel and what it all would mean for our family.

I should point out that this situation what what I had longed for for many years. An infant - my favorite age; a girl - I had two already, I can do that! So, we said yes and then waited to hear from the social worker in Mississippi for more information. We still have the envelope that I took notes on about Kareena's birthmom and all the details we would need to have.

At this point we had told the kids. Abby said that she was screaming inside that she was so happy. Caleb's only comment was that he wanted a boy. Hannah smiled a lot. I wondered how many people to we tell at this point? Will it really happen? When do I start shopping? Justin and I went into our respective corners to plan. He to figure out how we would pay for her and me to figure out what stuff we would need.

Then the real waiting began. For real, I thought the 3+ years were hard! Those three weeks when we knew there was a little girl out there and a birthmom trying to make the right decision for herself and the baby were excruciating!! I think God was sitting back enjoying Himself as He watched us vacilate between giddyness and anxiety. With each update on her birthmom's condition our excitement began to build. But I also began to fret more and more about all the unknowns. In the end I heard the Lord say that this was the path He had for us and that I was to keep walking forward whether it worked out or not.

Our plans began being formulated but everything was so tentative. I remember that we got the call that she had her check up and was being admitted due to high blood pressure. That could mean that she would be in labor that day or not. We waited (an ever present theme) to get the final word about labor before we bought a ticket for me to fly down. This call came around 12 noon or so.

To understand the timeline a bit, we had been waiting to meet with a local organization who may or may not have given us a grant. Their only stipulation was that they meet us in person before they will consider anything. Our appointment was for Wednesday - the next day. We called when we heard that she was in labor and prayed hard that we could see someone in their orgaization before we left. She said yes, in between sporting activities for her own kids. We packed (I had already packed for the kids) the van and went to pick the kids up from school and meet with this lady on our way to the airport to drop me off.

Amazingly it all worked out. I made my flight. We met with the lady who later told us we had more than we thought we would get. Justin was planning on stopping at the bank on his way out of town but it closed minutes before he got there. This meant that he had to stay in Cedar Rapids and go to the bank the next day. At the time we were both disappointed that he would be arriving with the kids the next night instead of in the morning but it also meant that I had the whole day with Kareena and her birthmom and didn't have to divide my time between them and Justin and the kids.

to be continued...

adoption part 1

Well, it's been a while but I thought that I'd write a little about the adoption and some of my thoughts in the short and yet long month we have had our sweety girl. Kind of a cheesy name but it has stuck with me.

If you read this blog then you know that we have been in the process of adoption for almost 4 years now. January of '06 we started our paperwork for a Peruvian adoption. Part of the process was to get a local agency to do a homestudy. I'll talk more about this later. So, we knew that the process would take a while. That is why we started before Caleb turned two! We had no idea that we would go 18 months to be approved. Just for them to move our dossier from one pile to another! Then it has been about that long since we were approved until now. Again, we knew it would be a while!! I think the most unexpected think in waiting for Peru was that we would hear next to nothing from our agency, and Peru itself on our behalf.

So this summer I began to wonder if it would ever happen and then even question whether we really wanted it now that the kids were older. We were pretty mixed as we would talk about it. I was shocked at how normal it was to think about our family being just the 5 of us. Then this fall came and Caleb went to Kindergarten I really began questioning so it seemed natural to clean out most of the kids clothes and gear when our church had a garage sale. Literally the week after the sale we got the call for Kareena.

Because I like a good cliffhanger I am going to write part 2 tomorrow. Stay tuned.

It's ironic how I sit here in a hole - literally - with stuff piled around me, clothes, books, toys, mugs etc, and I am here on the computer! I find I can always find time to be on the computer but not to pick up toys and clothes. I think I want the kids to do it but then when they get home I hate to interrupt their playing b/c they don't get much time to do that. Then when I do ask they throw a fit so I ask less and less. I fear they've figured me out and now use it against me.

What are some of your ideas for "helping" kids to help around the house?

Hello again!

Hey friends! I am a bit under the gun here but thought I'd do a quick update...

The kids are healthy and spring has finally arrived here in Minnesota. We are anxiously awaiting summer when we get to play and travel. We have a number of trips planned to really fun places! Whoo hoo!! We still have not heard anything new on the adoption front and will likely switch to a domestic adoption after June.

More to come!

Hello Again

Well, I've had lots of thoughts to write about but now I forget...ahh the life of a random abstract. The kids have been sick a bit lately. Just when I thought we were in the clear. Caleb had a triple whammy; strep throat, ear infection, and a chest cold. Abby puked today and thankfully is on the mend. I am glad that we are past the days of all of us on the floor puking together. I remember putting towels on the floor and praying for morning. Let's hope we're done for this season!

Deep Thoughts with Tasha

I'm calling back some old SNL memories with that title but what I have to say here is sort of serious. Sort of. I have been thinking a lot about money lately. Having it, not having it, loving it, needing it, wanting it etc. A close friend pointed out recently that I may have a bit of an obsession...well, it got me to thinking. Do I love money? I have to say that it makes life easier at times.

The reason that this issue has come up for me is complicated..."your mother's a complicated woman..." sorry, I digress...anyway, in my home growing up I didn't hear the word no too often when it came to wanting things. If we could prove to mom that we "needed" it, then in time it usually was ours. This gave me an interesting understanding of money and need. Lest you think I blame my mother for my problems...let me explain my current issue. I have a hard time keeping money...ok I said it!! Whew, does that feel better! These things added create for a financially frustrated momma. So, last fall when I was working a bit I had a nice paycheck to work with. I usually had about $5 left over when the next paycheck rolled around - let's just say it is a good thing that my wonderful hubby works!! So, fast forward to today, where I am not working as much (for pay) so frustration, and struggle set in.

In come the love, need, want issues. I have no clear conclusions on the matter, only good questions that make me think and examine my motives and heart. Now I can see why God included so many verses on money in the Bible! It's dangerous!

Merry Merry Christmas!

To all my fabulous friends...Merry Christmas! Enjoy your family and friends! Rejoice in our Saviour!

Good things

I find that I am enjoying Christmas this year. I am excited about what we got - or are getting for the kids: an American Girl Doll for Abby, a digital camera for Hannah and cool drum sticks for Caleb that play where ever he wants. Shhh, don't tell them! Also, I am excited to bake with the kids and play outside. We are finally in a place where we all can go out and be active together.

We are planning on a few trips up to the Shabin, too. I am excited to get there for everything except using the outhouse when it is below zero. The shabin gets really warm inside so we are going to have to get really creative about indoor activities...any ideas? I finally bought a few decorations to hang and even found some fabric to hang as curtains. It is really looking cute!