looking forward to summer

I am longing for time to sleep in, time to read to the kids without looking at the clock, riding bikes, gardening, walking around the lake, basically all the fun summertime activities. Right now it is probably 30 degrees outside. Normally I don't complain about the weather - don't think I am a saint for not complaining, I complain about plenty, just not the weather - but this is getting crazy!

We had bike stolen last week so I got right on it - finding a new one for her. I went to a few thrift shops and even checked Target for new one's. I found one for $5.28 at Unique. Hopefully the tires will hold and it will last the summer.

Spring and summer also bring birthday's!! Caleb's is first, then we have one a month for four months! I have his all planned except we may have to buy the decorations online due to Bob the Builder not being popular anymore. Ok, now I am even boring myself so I'll sign off.

Tea and tears

Boy that title sounds way too mushy, overdone, and extreme. But, nonetheless it was the highlight of my day today. I was invited to a four course tea at a friend's house along with other ladies that I know. They served us four, yes I said four, coursed of amazing food! We had such a good time being served by our hostess' kids, chatting and eating. Then the tears...one of the ladies shared a great story about a mom running the last leg of a race to encourage her daughter. The theme was perservering in trials. Most of the ladies were teary when she finished reading and then we all read verses about encouragement, and God's role in our life when we are struggling - talk about the tears then! I think was was the tenderest part was several of the ladies were and had been going through some really tough stuff.

I am reminded again of the significance of the title of my blog, broken yet grateful. The fact that God does the breaking! But He also does the healing. Wow, it makes hardships and struggle have new meaning. I am so emotional these days, even watching Flicka getting attacked by a lion made me weep! I guess it is the season of mom's death. Every year since her death I go back and think about what I was doing during that season when she was in the hospital. It was such a surreal time, pregnant with Caleb, waiting for my nephew to be born (April 15). I can still smell the smells of her room. But, even in the pain and loss that I feel daily there is a truth that I read awhile ago that echoes often: Jerry Sittser said in his book (highly reccommended) A Grace Disguised that loss enlarges the soul. Kind of a strange thought but I have found it is true. Before losing mom I was a bit sheltered. I lost three Grandparents but they were older and had lived full lives so it was kind of expected. Then mom. It changes so many things. I feel I am capable of so much more understanding, more empathy. It is actually hard to not get prideful. That must sound wacko! It is true though, I fight the urge to say "you don't know loss like I do" and that is wrong. We all feel it in some degree. But back to the soul. I also have to fight callousness when hearing about death. The feeling of well we all have to die sometime pops up occasionally. Apart from the struggles with jadedness and pride I feel like God has taken me down to the valley to teach me some huge things. Sorry for being so long winded. It was cathartic, though. If you have read this far, thanks.

To Seattle and Back

Last Tuesday my dad, and two of three of my kiddos took off for a whirlwind trip to Seattle and back. We spent two days driving there - both 13 hour days - and two that turned into three days getting back. Overall the driving went ok. I was amazed how quick it seemed to go when we arrived in Seattle. Then we spent two days in downtown Seattle walking to Pike Place market, the Seattle center, seeing the Space Needle and best of all seeing my brother and his two kids. I am always amazed at despite our childhood spent fighting it is still good to see my brothers. His kids are sooooo amazing! I love seeing my brother in them! Incedently, I got to see my other niece last weeked. She is so full of energy and life! She called me Tash, I loved it! Without my mom around I feel an added burden (a delightful burden) to love on her grandkids for her.

Seattle is a great city. It was especially fun to be downtown so near all the hustle and bustle. We walked a bit and even had overpriced snobby Pizza! I think the hardest part was not having any time to myself. I realized that I had not read my Bible (a habit I am always trying to do -emphasis trying) in over a week. I had not even thought about it!! That is for another post...

The most exciting and very scary part was last night we were heading into Fargo far later than we planned and hit a patch of black ice and ended up in the ditch. Thankfully we were pulled out about an hour later. I admit that my dad and I wished we could put the window up that separates the front from the back like in Limos. The kids did amazinly well for what we had them do. BUT, after we were rescued from the ditch we crawled into Fargo over completely icy roads. We stayed the night and woke to slushy, snow-packed roads for over 50 miles. My arms and fingers are sore from gripping the steering wheel! Anyway, we finally made it back into town around 2 today. I was never so glad to see our house. The kids said it best: "Look, its our house!"

I was asking God what He was teaching me as I wiled away the hours driving and He said (in that still small voice) that He wants to lead one day at a time. I was longing to see where the road lead as I drove through the snowy mountains of Montana and He said that the light from the car was enough. I wish I had asked Him for more lessons. I did pray for the kids and Justin a bit - something I need to do more of. The only thing I regret is that we had no camera to capture our time with the cousins or time in the car. There were lots of picture worthy moment.

Well, I am glad we did it and I am glad we are home.