9 and 1/4 lb and a major slip up

So I almost jumped in the air today when I saw the scale! I was on cloud nine all day then I went to Starbucks to get the boys (my son and his friend) a cookie and I had a VERY weak moment and had one of their morning buns. I have to admit that it tasted great going down. But then I took a drink and the taste was gone. Then the guilt set in.

So much of this diet has been saying no, sometimes NO!, to many of the bad habits I've been cultivating for years. I've cheated in the past 3 and 1/2 weeks but not to this extent. I love that tomorrow is a new day and that there is grace for not being perfect.

My pants are loose!

It is so satisfying to wear clothes that I haven't been able to for a while.

6 lbs!!!!!

For some people this might not be a lot but the tears and struggles seem worth it when I see the results on the scale. Last weekend was not so great but since Monday I've been almost perfect. The victories have felt sooo satisfying. I dished up ice cream for Caleb and didn't have any. I ordered a skinny latte and didn't buy something for me at Starbucks. I've said no to stopping at DQ numerous times. The advice that has made the most sense is to take it one day at a time. Again, not rocket science but it has helped me.

temptation

I now have a week under my belt (which is shrinking a bit - yeah) and I think the diet is working but it won't be easy. Getting used to taking all the pills has been a challenge but I think they have given me a lot of energy. Unfortunately my stomach has been upset for a day or so now. Hopefully that will improve.

The Honeymoon's over

I knew it would happen eventually. I am officially struggling. Don't get me wrong I am loving the vegetables and the taste of food more than ever but we are going on a date tonight and all I want is to have a big plate of pasta with something chocolate (real chocolate mind you) for dessert. I have lost a few pounds so I know something is working. Ah well, back to my fake chocolate pudding.

So far so good

- Which is saying a lot for me! I am now on day 2 and I am doing fantastically! I made sauteed mushrooms and spinach with steak for a late lunch and ohhh brother was it good. The sad part of today was realizing all the places I go in order to eat. I sometimes schedule trips to certain places because of what food I am craving. For example: I will take the kids to Ikea because I want a cinnamon roll or go a certain direction to school so I can stop to get a maple pecan scone at a coffee shop. Sad, food-obsessed girl! But, I am taking a stand and saying NO MORE!!

Adoption Part 3

So I really should have written this sooner because I am forgetting more each day! The next part of the story is the best part!! I got a call when I was lost in Memphis trying to find the highway to Tupelo. On one hand the news that Kareena was born was great but I remember felling really disappointed that I had missed it.

I did drive the rest of the way a bit less anxious though. When I arrived at the hospital sometime close to midnight I was in a daze of adrenaline, junk food and pure nervousness. I had no idea what to expect when I walked in the hospital room. Kareena's birthmom was such a pleasant person to be with! I had heard that from folks but meeting her just confirmed it. We chatted a bit and I was pretty indisicive about whether I wanted to stay until 3 am to see Kareena or to get a little sleep and see her in the morning. I ended up staying until 4 but holding her was amazing. Again, I was completely out of my mind from lack of sleep etc. but I am glad I stayed. Leaving the hospital my brain was in such a fog. There was a train that I had to stop for and I almost fell asleep in the car! I finally headed back to the hotel for a few hours but was totally unable to sleep.

The next day I went back to the hotel to spend some time with Kareena and her birthmom. We had the typical busy first day of a baby's life. She was in and out. We both took turns feeding her. Again, I was amazed at her bm's demeanor. We had such a good time together! We found out we enjoyed the same types of food, the same tv show and movies. All three of my bio kids were pretty good sized kids at birth so to hold a little 5 pounder was fun. When Justin and the kids finally arrived I took a huge sigh of relief. Spending that first day alone had been great but I felt more and more like part of me was missing. The kids LOVED seeing Kareena and meeting everyone. K's bm really enjoyed the kids, too!

The day we got to take Kareena with us was sort of awkward. On one hand I felt like she was mine already but there was still this pervading feeling of unease and nervousness that her bm could change her mind at any time. I think the strangest feeling of that day was watching her bm say goodbye to her. There was a mixture of jealous protectiveness and saddness but also joy for us. Walking out of the hospital with her felt strange, too. We spent the next few days getting to know Kareena, finding out she cried a bit more than we were used to and making plans for the coming days. Part 4 coming soon.

Day one of official Diet

I know that I won't do this every day but I actually have some thoughts! I know that every day will not be as easy but boy am I surprised at how well this is going. Again, I am under no illusions about what it will be like in a week or a month. I think the biggest challenge so far was remembering to take my supplements. Food tasted good today, too! Another surprise if how much energy I have. Normally the mid-afternoon slump is so hard to get past but boy today I was feeling fine.

A New Day

I can't guarantee that what I write will sound correct or that the spelling and grammar make sense. Having said that I do want to chronicle this journey at least for me and if it entertains or encourages other's - all the better.

So I have been fluffy, chunky, and/or extra soft, ever since I can remember. The main problem is I LOVE FOOD! I like good food, too. None of this fat-free sour cream for me, I want the real deal. I've finally had it with clothes not fitting and just generally feeling gross.

There are some folks who I know also doing the same diet with huge results so that finally pushed me over the edge to DO SOMETHING. I joined SlimGenics two days ago. Currently I am on day two of the prep-phase. I start the official diet on Saturday. I am a mix of excited and nervous for the cravings I know will be there. I am learning how to tell myself true things like: I want to be thin more than I want that _____. There is a huge element at play here: Self-control. Something I do not have naturally. I never learned how to say no or to hear no very well. That poses a problem.

I am excited to
-run with out jiggling
-wear clothes with the size in the single digits
-learn how to say no

That's all for now.