Tea and tears

Boy that title sounds way too mushy, overdone, and extreme. But, nonetheless it was the highlight of my day today. I was invited to a four course tea at a friend's house along with other ladies that I know. They served us four, yes I said four, coursed of amazing food! We had such a good time being served by our hostess' kids, chatting and eating. Then the tears...one of the ladies shared a great story about a mom running the last leg of a race to encourage her daughter. The theme was perservering in trials. Most of the ladies were teary when she finished reading and then we all read verses about encouragement, and God's role in our life when we are struggling - talk about the tears then! I think was was the tenderest part was several of the ladies were and had been going through some really tough stuff.

I am reminded again of the significance of the title of my blog, broken yet grateful. The fact that God does the breaking! But He also does the healing. Wow, it makes hardships and struggle have new meaning. I am so emotional these days, even watching Flicka getting attacked by a lion made me weep! I guess it is the season of mom's death. Every year since her death I go back and think about what I was doing during that season when she was in the hospital. It was such a surreal time, pregnant with Caleb, waiting for my nephew to be born (April 15). I can still smell the smells of her room. But, even in the pain and loss that I feel daily there is a truth that I read awhile ago that echoes often: Jerry Sittser said in his book (highly reccommended) A Grace Disguised that loss enlarges the soul. Kind of a strange thought but I have found it is true. Before losing mom I was a bit sheltered. I lost three Grandparents but they were older and had lived full lives so it was kind of expected. Then mom. It changes so many things. I feel I am capable of so much more understanding, more empathy. It is actually hard to not get prideful. That must sound wacko! It is true though, I fight the urge to say "you don't know loss like I do" and that is wrong. We all feel it in some degree. But back to the soul. I also have to fight callousness when hearing about death. The feeling of well we all have to die sometime pops up occasionally. Apart from the struggles with jadedness and pride I feel like God has taken me down to the valley to teach me some huge things. Sorry for being so long winded. It was cathartic, though. If you have read this far, thanks.